Parenting with Presence: A Practical Toolbox for Raising Kids with ADHD

Someone recently reached out to me asking for guidance with their little boy who had just received an early ADHD diagnosis. My heart went out to them immediately. I could feel the mix of worry, love, and the deep desire to do right by their child.

It brought me back to my own journey. Both my husband and I have ADHD. We know firsthand how overwhelming it can feel to live inside a brain that’s wired differently. And while our daughter is still very young — too young for any kind of diagnosis — I’m constantly thinking about how I can support her developing brain and help her grow up with tools I never had as a child.

Because the truth is, I don’t want her to struggle the way I did. I don’t want her to feel “too much” or “not enough” or always like she’s falling behind. I want her to grow up knowing she is capable, creative, and deeply loved exactly as she is.

That’s why I’ve spent years reading books (The Whole-Brain Child, Raising Resilient Children, Montessori guides, Love & Logic, plus my own books on ADHD and nervous system regulation). And little by little, we’ve been weaving those practices into our family life.

I’m not a doctor. I’m not a parenting “expert.” I’m just a mum with ADHD, married to a man with ADHD, trying to raise a little one with presence and love (with a relationship first focus). So I want to share both our practical parenting toolbox and some holistic perspectives on ADHD that have been life-changing for us (Both my husband and I have worked in the health and wellness industry for over 45 years combined, so we take a science backed approach with a holistic whole body approach that aligns with our values).

My View on ADHD Labels

I don’t fully believe in ADHD diagnoses from the medical system. Why? Because labels don’t always help us. Sometimes they put kids in boxes they don’t belong in.

But at the same time, I do see how a label can be useful. It can help us recognize certain traits in ourselves or our children. It can give language to what we’ve been experiencing, and in that way, it can make us feel understood. It can also point us toward tools that genuinely help.

Where I draw the line? Drugging children this young.
Your child is not “Ritalin deficient.” (learn more “7 Strategies on how to improve ADHD” by Mark Hyman)

The most important step, before any medical intervention, is to look at the whole child — their environment, their nervous system, and especially their nutrition.

Boys vs. Girls and ADHD Diagnosis

It’s also important to know that boys are diagnosed with ADHD at higher rates than girls. Research suggests that this is partly because boys are more likely to display hyperactive or externalized behaviors, while girls often show inattentive symptoms that get overlooked until later in life.^[1]Stephen P. Hinshaw and Katherine Ellison, ADHD: What Everyone Needs to Know (New York: Oxford University Press, 2015). Girls with ADHD are often misdiagnosed with anxiety or mood disorders, or simply told they are “daydreamers.”

As for when to diagnose: most clinicians agree that ADHD should not be formally diagnosed before the age of 6, when attention and self-regulation skills are more developmentally stable. ^[2]American Academy of Pediatrics, “ADHD: Clinical Practice Guideline for the Diagnosis, Evaluation, and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children and … Continue reading That being said, behaviors can be observed earlier, and parents can begin supportive strategies well before any diagnosis.

Nutrition & ADHD

Many children who struggle with ADHD-like symptoms are not deficient in medication — they are deficient in key vitamins and minerals that support brain and nervous system health.

Common deficiencies in kids with ADHD include:

• Zinc – linked to dopamine regulation and impulse control ^[3]Arnold, L. Eugene, et al. “Zinc in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials.” Nutrients 9, no. 9 (2017): … Continue reading
• Magnesium – calming mineral that supports sleep and focus ^[4]Mousain-Bosc, Marie, et al. “Improvement of Neurobehavioral Disorders in Children Supplemented with Magnesium-Vitamin B6. II. Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Autism.” Magnesium Research 19, … Continue reading
• Iron (ferritin levels) – low iron is associated with attention issues ^[5]Konofal, Eric, et al. “Iron Deficiency in Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.” Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine 158, no. 12 (2004): … Continue reading
• Omega-3 fatty acids (EPA/DHA) – critical for brain development and focus ^[6]Bloch, Michael H., and Josephine A. Qawasmi. “Omega-3 Fatty Acid Supplementation for the Treatment of Children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Symptomatology: Systematic Review and … Continue reading
• Vitamin D – essential for mood and neurological health ^[7]Jiang, Wei, et al. “Vitamin D Deficiency in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis.” Neuroscience Letters 643 (2017): 161–166.
• B vitamins (especially B6, B12, folate) – important for neurotransmitter production ^[8]Rucklidge, Julia J., et al. “Vitamin-Mineral Treatment of ADHD in Adults: A Double-Blind Randomized Placebo-Controlled Trial.” British Journal of Psychiatry 204, no. 4 (2014): … Continue reading

When these deficiencies are addressed — through food first, and then supplementation if needed — many kids show noticeable improvements in mood, attention, and behavior.

So before anyone talks about medication, I believe we need to start here: what is the child missing, nutritionally?

In our family, we also decided to go one step further and do DNA testing for all of us. Not to “test for ADHD” (because there is no single ADHD gene), but to better understand how our bodies process nutrients, detoxify hormones, and handle inflammation. What we discovered has been eye-opening: from variations in detox pathways, to methylation issues like the MTHFR gene, to how efficiently we convert omega-3s. These insights have helped us personalize our supplements, reduce exposures, and make food and lifestyle choices that actually work for our unique bodies. For me, DNA testing was less about labels and more about creating a roadmap for health — so we can all thrive as a family. (which DNA test I recommend)

What the Medical Medium Says About ADHD

According to the Medical Medium (Anthony William), ADHD is not a disorder in the way the medical system frames it. He explains that what we call ADHD is often the result of:

• Toxic heavy metals (like mercury, lead, aluminum) interfering with the brain.
• Nutrient deficiencies caused by processed foods and lack of minerals.
• Overloaded nervous systems in children who are highly sensitive and empathic.

He suggests focusing on:

• Healing foods: wild blueberries, leafy greens, celery juice, bananas, apples, sprouts.
• Detoxifying the brain: spirulina, barley grass juice powder, cilantro.
• Avoiding triggers: processed foods, gluten, dairy, artificial additives, refined sugar.

You don’t have to agree with everything he says to benefit from the core truth: food matters. And so does the environment we create for our kids.

Our ADHD Parenting Toolbox

Here are some of the practical tools we use daily in our home:

1. Turn Refusals Into Choices

Instead of: “Brush your teeth now.”
Try: “Do you want to brush your teeth with Papa or with Mama?”
Or: “Red toothbrush or blue one?”

Why it works for ADHD brains:
Children with ADHD struggle with executive function — the part of the brain responsible for planning, sequencing, and prioritizing. When given open-ended commands (“Brush your teeth now”), their brain resists because it feels like loss of control and too much demand. By offering two simple choices, you reduce cognitive load and give them agency within boundaries. This helps bypass oppositional reactions.

Why it builds resilience:
Kids feel respected and empowered when they have a voice in decisions. Over time, this fosters confidence, problem-solving, and self-trust — key traits of resilient children.

2. Movement Before Cooperation

If she’s bouncing off the walls, we move first: trampoline, races, or hopping like a frog. (the best thing we got is our mini indoor trampoline)

Why it works for ADHD brains:
ADHD brains often have lower baseline levels of dopamine and norepinephrine, the neurotransmitters linked to motivation and focus. Movement stimulates dopamine release, increasing alertness and self-regulation. That’s why a few jumps or a race can reset the brain and make transitions smoother.

Why it builds resilience:
Instead of punishing high energy, you’re channeling it constructively. Kids learn that movement is medicine — a lifelong tool they can use to self-regulate stress, anxiety, or overwhelm.

3. Name It to Tame It

During meltdowns, I say: “It looks like you’re sad. Is that right?”

Why it works for ADHD brains:
Emotional regulation is harder for ADHD kids because of differences in the prefrontal cortex and limbic system. When you help a child label their feelings, it activates the prefrontal cortex, calming the amygdala (the emotional “alarm” center). Neuroscientist Dan Siegel calls this “name it to tame it.”

Why it builds resilience:
Children learn that emotions are safe and temporary, not something to fear or suppress. This builds emotional intelligence — the foundation for resilience, relationships, and future mental health.

4. Playful Transitions

Instead of: “We’re leaving now!”
I’ll say: “Let’s fly to the car like superheroes.”

*another thing that helps in our family is “dinner will be ready in 5 minutes” followed by “dinner will be ready in 1 minute” followed by “dinner is ready now”. Then I’ll add in a transition activity “let’s wash our hands before we sit at the dinner table”.

Why it works for ADHD brains:
Transitions are especially tough for ADHD kids because they involve task-switching (a weak point in executive functioning). Playful redirection engages the brain’s reward system (dopamine again), making the shift feel fun instead of stressful.

Why it builds resilience:
It teaches kids flexibility and adaptability. Life is full of transitions — resilience grows when children learn they can handle change with creativity and humor.

5. Bedtime Rituals

Gratitude practice, calming music, reading, and yes — co-sleeping.

Why it works for ADHD brains:
ADHD is often linked to delayed circadian rhythms and difficulty winding down. Predictable bedtime rituals (gratitude, calm music, co-sleeping) act as external regulators for the nervous system, helping the child’s body and brain cue into rest.

Why it builds resilience:
Rituals create a sense of safety and stability. When kids feel secure, they’re more able to explore the world by day and rest deeply by night. This balance of safety + exploration is at the heart of resilience.

6. Screens With Connection

Screens become bonding moments, not babysitters, when we use them together.

Why it works for ADHD brains:
Screens on their own can overstimulate dopamine pathways, leading to crashes and irritability. But when screens are used with connection (watching together, co-playing learning apps), the experience activates social learning circuits and provides structure.

Why it builds resilience:
Children learn that technology isn’t an escape or a pacifier, but a tool for connection and shared experiences. This builds healthier lifelong habits with media and reinforces family bonds.

Quick Scripts for Parents

• Toothbrushing → “Red brush or blue brush?”
• Getting dressed → “Socks first or shirt first?”
• Leaving house → “Hop to the car or walk backwards?”
• Meltdowns → “Your feelings are big. I’m right here.”
• Power struggles → “Now or in 2 minutes with the timer?”

Next Steps for Parents

If all of this feels like a lot, don’t worry. You don’t need to overhaul your entire life overnight. Here’s a simple plan you can start today:

Step 1. Start With Nutrition

• Prioritize whole, real foods.
• Remove processed foods, refined sugar, and additives.
• Check common deficiencies (zinc, magnesium, iron, vitamin D, omega-3s, B vitamins).

Step 2. Build Daily Nervous System Rituals

• Morning: 2–3 minutes of movement (jumping, stretching, dancing).
• Evening: gratitude + calming music.

Step 3. Reframe Behavior as Communication

Ask: “What is their nervous system telling me?” instead of “Why won’t they listen?”

Step 4. Keep Learning (Educate Yourself)

Podcasts

• ADHD Experts Podcast (ADDitude Magazine)
• The Balanced Parent Podcast
• Medical Medium Podcast

Books

• The Whole-Brain Child – Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
• Raising Mentally Strong Kids – Dr. Daniel Amen & Charles Fay
• Parenting with Love and Logic – Jim Fay & Foster Cline
• Thriving Naturally with ADHD – Caroline Bakker
• Living With PMDD and ADHD: My Personal Journey and Why I Wrote a Book About It – Caroline Bakker
• Why I Did a DNA Test for Managing ADHD and PMDD Symptoms as a Mum + Which DNA Test I Recommend
• Omega 3 for ADHD and PMDD
• How Sleep Optimization Can Transform ADHD Symptoms
• How We Turned Our Home into a Healing Sanctuary

Final Thoughts

If you’re parenting a child who shows ADHD traits — whether or not you believe in the label — know this: you’re not failing.

You don’t need to medicate them to make them “normal.” You need tools, rituals, good food, and presence.

ADHD isn’t about brokenness. It’s about difference. Sensitive, vibrant, creative difference. And when we approach it from a holistic point of view — nutrition, nervous system care, loving connection — we give our kids the best chance to thrive.